mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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