He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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