Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
