Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
