There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
