dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
