Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
