My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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