I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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