Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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