Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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