i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
