why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
