i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
This show inspires me to have sex in space
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
