mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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