Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
