Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
