I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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