was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
