it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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