look no pants
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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