My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
