Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
