I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
