It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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