I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i think my cat just said my name.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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