i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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