I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
