there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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