So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
