im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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