Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
