I met the friendliest cop last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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