the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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