youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
