4 words: hood of his car
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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