i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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