Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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