Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
