I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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