it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
