Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
