I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
