Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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