And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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