If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
