I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
