Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
