no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
