drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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