Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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