she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
