i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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