Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
