I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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