She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
