I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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