If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
